do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
