I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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