i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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