You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
