Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
