Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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