this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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