It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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