if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
