I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
