okay pat passed out under dana's car
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
