Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
