took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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