i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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