But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
