My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
