Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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