my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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