It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
