How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
