His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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