I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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