Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
