All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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