Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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