My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
