he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And then he peed in my hair
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