We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
