I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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