I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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