I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
