Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
