You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
