Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
