I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
