dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
