planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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