idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
