What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
