if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
