So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
