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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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