Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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