I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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