I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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