my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
