I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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