I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
