you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
