bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
