There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
