Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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