bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
