the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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