I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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