I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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