Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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