Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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