I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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