when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
