She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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