OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
