I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
